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Even My Perfume Thinks I’m Too Fat

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I just got something in the mail, and I’m pissed.

Normally I love mail, I mean who doesn’t? Nothing works so well as a little pick-me-up then getting an unexpected letter or package in the mail. Last year I signed up for Birchbox, a monthly beauty product sample box, but I cancelled it after two months. Well, much to my surprise, I just received a January box! Maybe it’s to replace a lost box that never arrived, or maybe my subscription wasn’t successfully cancelled. Either way, I didn’t care and was pretty happy to receive an unexpected package. Until I opened it and found, of all things, a fat-shaming perfume.

Tucked away in this little box, neatly wrapped in a deceptively friendly-looking envelope, was a sample tube of a fragrance called Skinny Chic.

Hmmm.

I was immediately put off by the name. Can we please get over this obsession with tying chicness to size? It goes along with that obnoxious “Skinny Girl” drink mix or the book that proclaims there are no fat french women. If you think only skinny girls can be fabulous, you haven’t seen any fat fashion blogs lately.

Anyway, the name was bad enough, but it got so much worse when I looked inside the little card that the tube comes folded inside of. The description for the product reads: “We craft exceptional fragrances that empower women to feel young, happy, slim, and beautiful.” This reminder that this perfume is meant to make you feel slim is repeated on both halves of the inside of the card, just in case you miss it and think that maybe it’s acceptable for you to feel beautiful without also feeling young and slim.

Just now my boyfriend walked into the room and I handed him the card and asked him to read it. I watched him smile as he started reading it and then his brow furrowed and he cocked his head to the side. He looked up at me and asked “Do you feel slim?” and I looked down at my very fat body and said “Nope!”

The card is also decorated with a highly-stylized, extremely skinny cartoon of a woman. Now, if the perfume weren’t called Skinny Chic and if the description wasn’t encouraging me to feel slim, I would think this was just a cute cartoon woman with an extremely exaggerated long neck and a teeny tiny waist. Now she serves as a pretty reminder that I should want to be her, or at least feel like her when I use this perfume. How nice of them! How nice of them to try to distract me from my clearly terrible fate as a fat person by making this lovely perfume.

Can we just talk about how nonsensical this is, by the way? How on earth is a perfume supposed to make me feel slim? Are the scents of apple, mint, and amber know for their abilities to make people think they have lost 250 pounds? If you want to make a product that makes digs at all your customers that aren’t skinny, you could at least try to make sense.

I’m sure some people will think “It’s just a perfume, calm down!”, you know, the usual “blah blah blah” whenever fat people get mad and speak up. But explain to me how this product is harmless. Explain to me how a product that literally says “this is supposed to make you feel skinny” is completely innocuous. I’m not on a diet, I’m not on a juice cleanse, I just got some damn perfume and should not have to be reminded that I am not supposed to look the way I look, I am not supposed to feel the way I feel and by okay with it.

What’s sad is that if it weren’t for the annoying name and the offensive description, this is a perfume I would sing the praises of because it has the kind of scent I love. However, I will never buy it and never tell anyone about it or encourage anyone to buy it. I will tell you that the perfume is made by Harvey Prince and if you are as irritated by this product as I am, you can go to their website (which I do not want to link from here) and you can let them know. I know that’s what I’m going to do.